I am too old to be crying to My Chemical Romance. Maybe the fact that I'm driving back from Jersey City cancels it out. I'll graduate to New York one of these days. The bridge and tunnel still scare me. I hate feeling so young and I hate that getting flipped off merging onto Route 3 makes me feel like I've shot someone in the chest. Cars rush past like red blood cells, as if the roads cutting through the lungs of the landscape have a heartbeat of their own. Oh Route 80 where were you in September when I could have been saved. Where were you when driving this far would have felt good. Exit 26 can't you please come faster. Oh God can more time pass than this please. Every song on this playlist is about the same thing. I keep writing the same poem over and over again. My heart can't take another long red light. Or another Mitski song. Another deer in my headlights. God I can't look another trembling fawn in the eye or I'll die. Please. What have I been thinking. Was I bad that whole year. Have I been bad this whole time. Is there any patience left for me from anyone in the whole world. I put my brights on and wait for a sign, something to tell me I don't have it all wrong. I don't see another animal dead or alive for the whole ride home. Is this what it is to be redeemed. Why isn't making it home safe ever enough. I never want anything to die again.